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Its Back the centre review ! -Norwich gets rated !!!

Written by Basher

Friday, 22 January 2010

Due to constant pestering by Thurlby, I've bought back the centre reviews. - Click on read more to read how the bowl's lanes, resturant, car park and more importantly the bogs and carpet rate

Namaco Number 10 Norwich

Car Park - Its big and there are spaces round the back, not many people know that, and if you like me and your especially lazy, you can dump ya jam jar right out the front. And despite Leon Devlin hanging about I felt it safe to leave my car there. There are only a couple of small steps leading into the bowl - 9/10

Snack bar - all right as it goes, I had sausage sandwich and that's not a youthanism for anything gay. You can get a big round of sandwich's and chips for a decent price as well - 8/10

Bar - Love the bar at Norwich, SKYand big screens and you can see the lanes, nice comfy seats, quizzer, and fruities - only down side was there were always blokes pulling the pints - where were the bar wenches ? - 8/10

Carpet - Norfolk, where they love a famaliar shag, they like to feel as if its one of the family. I went bare foot most of the time and loved they way it felt - 9/10

Bogs - these were rank ! - possible the worst crappers I've ever been in. Even the bogs in train spotting weren't as bad as these. They reckon they are checked every hour by a vigilant member of staff - who must be blind and have no sense of smell. I nearly passed out from the ammonia - there was a single flie buzzing around and it was desperately looking for an escape route, and of course one of the lights was blinking away. I would rather shit myself then take a dump in these traps - -1/10

Staff - really helpful, and the lane marshalls who voulenteered was a good touch. 8/10

Lanes - wood, and to be honest I have never seen them looking so good ! The fact that most people struggled and worked their nuts off for their scores i don't think had anything to do with the state of the lanes, perhaps the patterns didn't suit the surface, because I think they played a lot harder then Ross was expecting - Hardly any serious breakdowns. 6/10

Overall a decent centre dragged down dramatically by the state of the bogs ! - 47/70

Lakeside - Newbury

Car Park - Good car park, loads of space out the front and the car park goes round the back as well and there are loads of quiet secluded spaces by the fishing lake - ideal for secret liaisons and dogging - well so Kaxe tells me anyway. No steps into bowl though there are double doors which when your loaded down with stuff can be a bit awkward 8/10

Bogs - Bit squeezy, but they seemed clean and free of Niffs and they were very well lit. 7/10

Bar - The bar was good - massive projection screen and a couple of smaller screens as well showing all the sport on normal channels - NO sky ! fruities and quizzers and big comfortable sofas and all quite close to the lanes making it ideal for drunk heckling. 8/10

Snack bar - didn't use it to be honest, mainly because just down the road about 1.5miles away are a couple of boozers (the swan, the boat) that do puker cheap grub and its served well quick, so there was no need for Jon Zadel to have a panick attack - also go the other way there is a subway. - I'm sure the snack bar was adequate - but lets face it, bowling food sucks, and its always expensive for what it is. 5/10

Shag - I like the shag at Newbury it feels familiar and feels nice as I sink my feet into it. - its feels like home, well not my home, coz my home sucks - but a nice home, like ya nans. Yeah it's like the shag you get at ya nan's ! 9/10

Staff - Fair play to bowling manager, snack bar assisitant, control clerk, technician and raving hand pump Matt who in Andy James abscence ran the tournament on the Saturday and helped on the Sunday and made sure the rest of the staff were busy - 9/10

Lanes - Every Lakeside centre seems to be the same. The surface was wood, which is a bit outdated, it has been re-surfaced lately and they put out a friendly house pattern - but the pins were 'twisters' which are the illegal immigrants of bowling pins. I hate the twisters, i would find knocking over concrete bollards easier then carrying the twisters. - Keep your pace up and get it through the heads, keep the angle to the pocket down and you would do all right. Unfortnatley a arthitic 80year old women throws it faster then me so I was screwed and spent all weekend shooting at 7 pins 6/10

Overall - 52/70 good centre could be one of the best if they got rid of the wood and put in a decent surface. But once you've been to a lakeside you been to all them aint ya

Bowlplex - Branksome Poole

Car Park – a few spaces out the front and quite a few round the back of the bowl, but there is a dividing line that if you cross you enter parking allocated for the pub and they will apparently clamp you if you park in their spaces. There weren’t sufficient spaces for everyone who played in the tournament and leaving your car round the back didn’t exactly fill me with confidence. I half expected to come back and find it up on bricks and it stripped down. Do you know what pikeys do these days, they nick catalytic convertors from cars. Apparently they nick em for the titanium used in the casing. Insufficient parking for a tournament – 4/10

Bogs – They were much better then the last time I was here, when they were dark and very very dank. These were clean, bright and no nasty niffs – 8/10

Staff – Good recruitment policy ensured a plethora of lovely young ladies, though they lost marks because when my lanes wanted a simple 10 replaced, we had to wait ages. Then they re-spotted the 7 pin by mistake, then we waited ages again and I had to have a word with the guvnor Ben, but then they for a final kick in the nadgers they-spotted both the 7 and the 10. 3/10

Snack bar – this was ’manned’ by two of the lovely young ladies previously mentioned – I didn’t sample the culinary delights myself, but I believe the pizza was particularly popular, as that is all I could smell, which weren’t good because I was feeling poorly sick – There is also a Tesco just down the road. 8/10

Shag – Nasty shag, it was a bit busy. But I suppose a shag that tries hard is better than a lazy shag 5/10

Lanes – It’s a good surface down a Poole, and they put a different condition down and it gave everyone a test, and left some people scratching their heads, or in Corkys case his nuts. I know some people found the approaches quite sticky, but I liked them, though in the corners especially at the top end they were a bit stick, slid, stick, slid – when you would either want them one thing of the other. Also the top end the fans were working but they weren’t down the bottom end. I was freezing my plums off. 7/10

Bar – Yeah it had sky it had fruities and it had nice comfy seats and bar stools – you could sit in there quite comfortably and get wasted, can’t ya Oastsy ? – But it was just lacking some atmosphere or something – maybe because the tournament was going on up the other end of the bowl. 6/10

Overall – 41/70 – a decent centre that only let its self down on one occasion and its needs a better car park.

AMF Sheffield Firth Park

Car park - spaces for about 50 cars - though its a bit chaotic and there seems to spaces here there and every where. As for security - having a look at the local residents didn't really instill confidence in leaving my old jam jar here. They look the sort who would steal the gold from ya teeth if you left your mouth open long enough. 5/10

Bogs - Clean and decent - bit cramped and bars on the window ! - what if there was a fire !!! or what about if Webby had dropped his guts and we needed air quick ! -6/10

Bar - pokey looking place. Like the bar you would have set up in your living room or a crappy social club. It had a 14" TV up on the wall showing the football - so it gets marks there. But I don't think I ever saw anyone working behind bar all day. - But I have some fond memories of this bar from back in the day, so I'm going to give it - 7/10

Lanes - Decent surface at Sheffield - the lanes didn't play like they used to back in the AMF tournament days. It seems if you moved left got a top line ball out the bag and hit it hard you were going unlock the scores. 7/10

Carpet - The all important shag ! - couldn't help but notice the nasty gash just in front of reception - not sure what her name was ! - that gash is a potential trip hazard - and I for one do not want to trip over on the gash. 6/10

Staff - Have to be careful ! as the staff are Jo Jo and her mum ! - So I'm going to say wonderful, excellent, amazing, couldn't be better ! - though that dude BOB is still there. He's been there for like EVER. Has anyone heard Peter Kay going on about 'uncle knobhead'. Well BOB reminds me a bit of what uncle knobhead would look like - the suit, the hair, slip on shoes. (I'm not saying BOB is a knobhead, before you start complaining, I'm merely saying he looks like what I imagine uncle Knobhead would) - I got to give the staff and BOB - 10/10

Snack Bar - Hayley what's her name, had a jacket potato with a filling its was like £4.10 - it was only 1 smallish potato with bloody cheese on ! - I'm going to have say well expensive. I mean you go into a bowl you pay for a load of dosh for the games then you have to pay a load for food and drink. And you might not mind so much if the food was really good quality and you could sit down in a nice environment and get waited on. You would rather just bowl put the kids in the car and drive to mac D's and get a load more food for less money. 3/10

Overall - Firth Park is an Old centre and is struggling to compete in the modern world ! - it still has a good league programme and is still a great centre for the tournament / league player. 44/70

Lakeside Nuneaton

Car Park -Spaces right out the front and round the side - though at a big tournament like the nationals these are soon taken up, but because the bowl is on a sort of leisure complex there are other spaces available. Also for the wrinklies there are no stairs to lug you gear up. 7/10

Bogs - Two traps and a trough. Went in there when i finished about 8 o'clock and I was ankle deep in piss. Plus Corky was in there and there weren't too much room to move around the big lump. - I nearly got 'trench foot' there was so much water and piss on the floor. 4/10

Snack bar - I didn't bother going to this snack bar. There is too much competition, you got a KFC and Frankie and Benny's just over the road. Also I don't think there was a drinks machine, there was an Ice cream machine which is just what you need in mid march. The snack bar has to offer something special and at a cheap price to compete with the other eating places. 4/10

Shag - bland, a lazy shag, neither good nor bad - 5/10

Bar - good boozer, loads of tables, fruities, a punching bag thingy that the local 'Pikeys - do as your likeys' loved, For some the reason the quizzer was miles away - I saw paul moor playing it. The quizzer needs to be in the bar !, coz when you have a drink you instantly think your a lot smarter then you actually are and thats when you play on the quizzer and realise your not. No SKY TV ! - but they had sky sports news with soccer saturday on. No Guinness ! - got to give the bar 6/10

Staff - Really helpful, and they had a couple of blonde bints on control always nice. Good recruiting ! 10/10

Lanes - people moan about playing on wood, but you youngsters are all spoilt - wood lanes is real bowling ! I think any player who had anything about them, could get the ball to the pocket all day long, the only thing that determined a good score from a great score was the carry. 10pins and 7pins all day long. we didn't have any breakdowns either 8/10

Overall - 44/70 - but I'm going to knock 5points off this score, because of the amount of thieving 'do as your likeys' roaming the place - I know 2 people who had mobiles stolen - so re-adjusted score 39/70

Maldon Madison Heights

Carpet - No shag ! the bowl was decked out with a wood floor - a filthy wood floor (well we were in Essex). I think the wood used to be the lanes from Harrow, but then it was pointed out that the lanes at Harrow were never that smooth. You need a shag, they are nicer to walk on and easier to clean - 0/10

Snack Bar - O.K - but it was outside the actual bowl. Healthy options as well as the usual crap. Plus there is also an 'all you can eat' Chinese Buffet - lets just say Quarry got his money's worth. I ordered a kiddies spag bol and it was a more then generous portion. No wonder there is so much childhood obesity if they are being served up with portions this big. 9/10 - Oh and for the seniors the tea and coffee is served in china mugs and if you ask them nicely they will mash up your food so its easier to swallow.

Staff - The staff don't have a separate uniform so your not sure who works there or who is just lounging about behind control. Also I needed a 7 pin re-setting and it took ages and I had to chase it up. The long delay unsettled me and I missed it (wells that my excuse anyway) - 5/10

Car Park - Decent car park but because there's so much going on at this centre it gets rammed ! - so not enough spaces. Your presented with a few steps up to the entrance then back down from the entrance into the bowl, but old people, before you start moaning there is a sneaky side entrance for you. 5/10

Bar - Outside the bowling area, but it has loads of TV's with SKY, pool tables, fruities and quizzers. Though it can get busy and there was only 1 serving wench when I was there. 6/10

Bogs - These are quite a way from the lanes and you have to climb a lot of stairs - so old people make sure you leave for a wee and soon as you feel the first tingle. We don't want any nasty puddles. Once in the bogs its all a bit cramped and the hand dryer is pathetic - its a gentle breeze of luke warm air, I would of dried my hands quicker if I blew on them myself - And I asked for a glass of tap water I was refused poor show ! 5/10

Lanes - First class playing surface, its a split bowl and you have Tom and Jerry masking units one side and the Flintstones the other. There's a big step to get on the approaches on the Flintstone side - so again old people be warned, we don't want you tripping over and breaking your hips, we know how brittle you are now. Good condition with everyone able to score, not many breakdowns, but there were pillars and some them were placed in funny positions especially on 21+22 where you have to walk round it to get on the approach. There is also no divined playing area and I think as result you pick up a lot of dust and crap from the wood floors and it make the approaches quite fast, so make sure you have your wire brush. 7/10

Overall 37/70 - - The mark don't do this bowl total justice. Its a good centre and it promotes league bowling and tournament bowling. - more centres like this please

Romford Rollerbowl

Car park

There were loads of spaces when we got there at stupid o'clock. In fact the only car there was Damian Grays dad's and his alarm kept going off. His car is a Y reg caviller, I don't know why he's got an alarm on it in the first place - The only reason it would be stolen is for the 2grand you would get as part of the government scrappage scheme. Later on the car park did get proper rammed, but there was a little immigrant out there in a high vis jacket directing all the cars and I think acting as security. 10/10 - mainly because I liked the pretty lights wrapped around the trees.

Snack Bar - Looked decent enough, though I never tried the cheeseburger this time around, but upstairs there is a proper restaurant doing a carvery - Cocker had 2, then went to Mac D's. Good eating by Q who had two desserts, Choccie Cake and Pancakes and Ice cream, I don't know where he puts it all. Carvery was decently priced. 10/10

Bar - Possibly one of the best bowling bars I have ever been to. Only thing wrong with it was it didn't overlook the lanes, so people couldn't drink and heckle. The Bar was massive, pool tables, fruities, quizzers - no bar stools though. Lovely lady pulling the pints, SKY TV - but the best thing about it was the prices - Guinness £1.69 ! Loving your work Rollerbowl. 8.5/10

Carpet - We are in proper Essex country, so I was expecting a dirty shag. But when I got there I found a couple of cleaners frantically hoovering away at either end of the bowl. But I don't think they hoovered in the middle - the result was an uneven shag which was nice and deep at the ends but a bit filthy in the middle. Well we were in Essex after all. 7/10

Bogs - Its only fair that I give these bogs two ratings. A pre Webby rating and a post Webby Rating. The bowl has two lots of crappers - some in the bar and some down the other end behind the lanes. Pre Webby - Both are big spaces but both only have two traps. Nice and clean and not very smelly. Post Webby - After about 10pints of cheap Guinness the traps had look liked someone had chucked a bucket of Tar down them. There were some suspect puddles where perhaps Webby like any good lefty had missed his target. 8/10

Lanes - I thought the approches were a bit slippery, and I had to keep brushing my shoes, carry was good, pattern when fresh was fairly open and offered something to the whirlers and twirlers as well the handbags, but by game 4 they got a bit messy, but if you were accurate and had a good match - like Giles and a few others you could hit some big numbers. - There were problems with foul lines, they were going off all the time, or that noise could have been Damain Grays car alarm. I thought it might have been the shadow of carnages nose that were setting them off. Miller was moaning about the topography favouring the lefties, but I think that was just a smoke screen for the fact that he was sh it. 7/10

Staff - A slection of lovely ladies were employed, Well done Romford Rollerbowl - Bar Bird and Bird on Control were fine examples of what can be achieved when an employer really takes the effort to filter out the mingers. All seemed friendly and willing to help and get things sorted as quickly as possible. 9/10

Overall - Romford is the place to be ! - I think this comprehensive review has conclusively confirmed Rollerbowl as one of England's premier bowling centres ! 59.5/70

Comments (13)

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written by thurlbs on January 23, 2010

Excellent!! Top bombing Bash!

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written by Paul Crippen on January 23, 2010

Bowled there in the Nationals last year thought then that it was a very good centre got a seniors doubles there Feb 21st hope it keeps up the good work.By the way anyone who's won a tournament at Aylesbury has got to be a top bowler!!

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written by coffindodger on January 24, 2010

well done the bash. perhaps in light of the seniors visiting many of these top notch bowls now, the decent thing to do is have the coffindoger added bites and a helpful bash type lowdown on how far we got to walk from the car park. if its nice and warm how far is the nearest pub with cheap dinners.

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written by Bert on January 24, 2010

Good work Bash/R. Nice to see it back.

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written by thurlbs on January 24, 2010

Haha!! Coffin dodger friendly centres! How much is the tea?, how close can I park?, how many steps are there between the front door and the lanes?, how close is the nearest bingohall? How about a vending machine with Sanatogen & Ralgex in it?!

Good work coffindodger!! Haha!

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written by Coffindodger on January 24, 2010

Thurlbs... bang on the nail so to speak. these things are all to be taken into consideration. its tough being old. so tough I forgotr the all important price of tea. A massive talking point amonst the top players in the senior events. You knowe the stuff. to milky, never a full cup, cups instead of mugs.... lane conditions who cares!

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written by Castro on January 26, 2010

Who cares.

It's still a SG4C's.

Bash/R i'll do the report for Nuneaton and the nationals.

Tip top.

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written by Stuart Watson on January 27, 2010

did i really see three screws stuck outta lane 1 at the foul line holding the wood down

off putting i guess more that a hindrance but that is a first for me

great write-up bash!

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written by wacky on February 18, 2010

re Maldon, reason there are no carpets is cos they are all in our nightclubs, there is a 'secret shithouse' in the entrance to the chinese restaurant (local knowledge & all that)

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written by corneilius augustus webb on February 18, 2010

I'M SLIGHTLY WORRIED YOU ASKED FOR A GLASS OF WATER IN THE BOGS - WAS THAT TO WASH THE OLD MAN AGAIN ?

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written by coffindodger on February 19, 2010

china cups woohoo must have a seniors event there for that alone. I do forsee a problem with the centre being all wood. yup you guessed it seniors will need pointing in the right direction. good to see that the 5th best site in the counttry is making the effort to move up the list...

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written by Mr Q on February 20, 2010

I like the centre reviews....and I concur that I did indeed get my moneys worth at Maldon! I also concur that roller bowl staff are tip top .... can see why cocker frequents them regular!

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written by Porridge on May 06, 2010

the bar is great for getting wasted! and i tried to create an atmosphere...clearly wasnt making enough noise, ill try harder next time!!

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