Carpark – A massive carpark as the bowl shares it with a cinema and lots of other stuff on the ‘entertainment’ complex. But apparently you can only stay for 3 hours or you may get clamped. Luckily the bowl had thought of this and spoken to the carpark owners and if you displayed a ‘sign’ that the tournament manager gave you then you could stay all day with out have your car molested. I thought that was a good touch and I hope other centres might think about doing the same especially at places like Peterborough and Nottingham where it will cost 11 quid to park ya motor. 10

Snack bar  lousy, a right baby shambles, just weren’t prepared for anymore then 2 people wanting something at the same time. Not enough staff and the staff that were there weren’t exactly straining themselves. Stood in the que for ages and then had to wait ages for the worse cheeseburger and fries in the world. They ran out of salad and the chips I think were fried in molten lava and it took about 4 hours for them to cool down to an acceptable level where I could pick them up without asbestos gloves. It got some marks because ­it was clean and the girl Toni was trying her hardest but the poor girl was working with planks of wood. 2

Lanes The lanes were all right, you could lay any pattern you like on that surface and it would hold up, the carry was good the playing area was good, with a lot of room to move about. Bad things, it was bloody dark half way down the lanes especially up the top end. I had to play in my night vision goggles. It was bloody hot, but that was because the Pikeys had nicked the copper from the air conditioners, so you cant blame the bowl for that. There was the usual underlane problem you get with Brunswick lanes, and there were a lot of ball jams mainly on the same pairs, and I thought you would have the tech sitting on the thing clearing them quicker. Also the tournament was running behind, you would think that when the squad had finished they would have machine re-dressing straight away, but there seemed something was distracting them. 6.5

Bar. I didn’t go in the bar once ! but it looked massive and had fruities and loads of pool tables, but it had that modern vibe about it. I like a bowl bar to feel like a country pub and I like it to over look the lanes so you can have a drink and still watch the bowling, and heckle people. At the end of day you don’t go into a bowl specifically for a drink, they are better places to do that. It felt like the bar was separate from the bowl and it looked really dark 6

Carpet. A lovely shag and I felt comfortable to go without protection and I walked around bare foot all day. 9

Bogs. A good effort with the bogs they were massive, but lost marks because there weren’t separate urinals, and you had to piss in a trough. That might be o.k for Northerners but I want my own separate urine collecting receptacle 7

Staff – They were a collection of young kids, a couple of lesbians, that even I couldn’t turn but they were generally o.k, and were always about to help out but they seemed to be a bit laid back, just seemed a bit too chilled out. And seemed to lack a sense of urgency I don´t think I saw the duty manager all day. 5

Overall – A typical modern bowl on a leisure complex. Lacking the atmosphere of the bowls that were built specifically just to be a bowl rather then an all round leisure facility. But unlike the other modern bowls they are making the effort to hold tournaments and build up their leagues – so credit to them for that.  45 / 70

Sexual Chocolate team mate Gibbo was having a look at e-bay and noticed some guy selling all his bowling stuff. No wonder he's packing it in - have a look at how the balls were drilled. Also why's Gibbo looking at e-bay the guys minted !  

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